


As The World Falls Down

by GoldStarGrl



Category: Psych
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen, M/M, Romance, Violence, Zombie Apocalypse, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-19 00:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1448401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldStarGrl/pseuds/GoldStarGrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zombie Apocalypse AU. Shawn and Gus need to traverse the country in search of a rumored sanctuary. Juliet and Carlton have a van. What were they supposed to do, <i>not</i> sneak into the trunk?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Shiori for the general idea.

The air was hot and dusty. 

It was always hot and dusty, since they had left the coast two days before. He knew it was only going to get worse as they headed through Nevada. 

"Carlton?"

His hand tensed around his gun as he looked up from the steering wheel, but it was just O'Hara, coming towards him with two small bottles. His heart sank.

"Is that all the water?" He asked. He unlocked the door and she slid into the passengers seat.

"Someone else had already come through, taken all the good stuff. Our best bet is to get through Death Valley as fast as humanly possible, before it dries up." She tucked the bottles neatly away in the console. 

The backseat of the rickety old van was packed with all the other supplies they had looted from various abandoned stores up the coast. Bandages and extra coats and more ammunition than they had guns for, piled into musty crates. 

Carlton's eyes swept the area.

"Come on, I want to get somewhere with good vantage points before nightfall." 

He hit the gas, and they started rolling slowly through the hazy afternoon.

There was a thump behind them.

Carlton slammed on the brakes and in unison he and O'Hara turned and cocked their guns to the back of the van.

"O'Hara, did you leave the back door unlocked?" He muttered.

"Carlton, I'm not an idiot!" She hissed.

There was a tiny sound, almost like someone whispering. And then-

"She's not, I have a lock pick. Please don't shoot, we come in peace!"

It was a man voice, a young man. Clear and loud, not slurred and mumbling like a walker.

"Show yourself!" Carlton barked.

There was another whispering sound, and two people peeked out from behind the biggest crate. 

They were both men, humans, in their early thirties. One was white, with filthy brown hair sticking up in all directions, wearing a torn up army jacket. The other was black, and had two magazines of ammo slung across his chest.

"Who the hell are you?" O'Hara asked. She didn't move her gun. The white guy held up his hands.

"I'm Shawn, this is my partner, Reggie Wayne Sr."

"Stop it Shawn."

"Sorry, habit."

The black guy nodded.

"Burton Guster. Gus to my friends."

"Why don't you tell us what the hell you're doing in our van, Burton Guster?"

"Hey! No need to snap at my boy." Shawn said. "We need to get out of here."

"Yeah, you and what's left of humanity, you don't see them climbing in the trunk." Carlton snarled.

"We can take you to Sanctuary!" Gus blurted out. 

Juliet tilted her head curiously.

"Sanctuary?"

"We heard there's a whole colony in Massachusetts that protected against the walkers. We have directions, we can bring you too if you let us ride."

Juliet looked intrigued. Carlton rolled his eyes.

"What good could you two possibly bring us besides a story about a magical colony that maybe exists?"

Shawn held up his finger and then disappeared behind the crate again. Carlton glanced out both review mirrors. He didn't like to be standing still for so long.

Shawn emerged and Juliet gasped. He was dragging two huge cartons of water.

"I'm sensing you're going to dry out pretty soon." He said, nodding towards the console where Juliet had stored their pitiful water rations. "We could help you with that."

Juliet cast Carlton a look. Oh crap, she was considering it.

"Carlton, they have so much water." She whispered, looking longingly at the cartons. He gave her a stern look and she sighed.

"Show me your hands and your tongues."

Shawn and Gus stuck what she asked. No blueish black spots, the sign of the transformation starting. She lowered her gun. 

"They're clean."

"Damn right, took a bath last May."

Carlton looked at Shawn.

"This has only been happening for a month."

"...Your point?"

"I can tell you're heading east anyway." said Gus. "It's not like we're asking you to take us to Roswell to die."

"In this scenario would we be dying from zombie attacks, heat, or Roswell's famous alien invasions?" 

Shawn asked Gus. He shrugged.

"Probably two out of the three." 

"Yeah, I could see that." Shawn held out his fist for his friend to bump it. 

Carlton groaned and slammed on the gas, sending them tumbling over in the backseat. 

"Shut up both of you. You are going to be quiet, you are not going to take more than your share of food and water, and you will shoot at anything I tell you, understood?"

"Can we at least get your name, oh great sir?" Shawn asked, propping himself up on his elbows. 

Carlton scoffed and focused on the road. Juliet slung her gun back of her shoulder and held out a hand.

"Juliet O'Hara. This is Carlton Lassiter."

"Juliet? Like the Princess of Verona." Gus said smoothly, sitting back up to take her hand. Shawn rolled his eyes.

"Lassiter. Like the gun. Or the dog."

Juliet smirked and Carlton gripped the steering wheel tighter.

If he still believed in God, he'd be cursing the bastard now.


	2. Handed Lemons

"Bono or the Edge?"

"Shawn, not right now."

"Come on man, answer the question."

"...the Edge, but only because his name has a certain dark, mysterious quality to it."

" _Dude_. I feel the exact same way. Up top."

" _No._ "

Juliet rolled her eyes as the rambling continued. Shawn and Gus had only been with them a few hours and she had memorized their already familiar gimmick. Shawn would go off on some inane rant until Gus joined in, and then he'd switch topics and start over again.

She also noticed that Carlton's grip got tighter and tighter around the steering wheel as they drove through Death Valley and Shawn did not stop blabbering. She knew her former partner well enough to tell when he was about to explode, and it was almost volcano day.

She turned around and looked to where they were sitting on the floor of the van, bumping and swaying along with the crates.

"So," she said loudly, unsure of where she was taking the sentence. She just needed to stop the chatter before Carlton went for his gun. "What're your stories?"

Shawn looked up, surprised.

"Really?"

"If you're going to talk _constantly_ you might as well say something of substance." She said briskly. Carlton's mouth twitched.

Shawn shrugged. "OK. My name is Shawn. Née Spencer. Gus is my spirit animal and other-worldly guide."

Gus elbowed him hard in the stomach.

"Ow!"

"I'm from Santa Barbara. I was a pharmaceutical salesman." He told Juliet seriously. "What about you?"

She clenched her hands around the seat's shoulder.

"I...was a cop."

Gus seemed to notice her pause at _was_. He gave her a sad smile, his eyes soft. Her stomach twisted and she turned back towards the road.

"And Mr. Lassie over there?" Shawn asked. 

"I am a cop. And the head detective for the Santa Barbara police department." He spat. 

He rubbed his neck, fingers dancing along a metal chain that hung from his neck.

An awkward silence fell over the van. Juliet wanted to reach out and squeeze his shoulder, but she knew he didn't like being touched. Not after what happened. She twisted around in her seat once more.

"What about you, Shawn?"

He shrugged. "A little of this, a little of that."

"What the hell does that mean?" Lassiter grumbled.

"It means after high school he rode around the country on his motorcycle trying to 'find himself'." Gus said. Shawn gave him a disparaging look.

"Really man? You've got to make me look like some crazy drifter in front of the cute cops?"

Juliet felt her cheeks heat up and Lassiter make a funny sort of choking sound. Gus rolled his eyes.

"It's the truth, Shawn."

Shawn's smirk faded. "...I can't do this with you right now."

"Well I-"

"No, seriously man. Shut up."

Shawn had stood in the back of the van, bracing his hands against the crates. Gus tensed. Shawn nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, walkers up ahead."

Juliet looked at Carlton. He briefly closed his eyes, then sent one of his hands to the rifle he tucked next to the van's emergency brake. She grabbed her pistol and leaned out the window, ready to take aim.

But there was nothing there.

She turned back into the van, eyes narrowing.

"Look, I don't know what kind of sick joke you think you're playing-"

"No! They just went this way, I saw footprints right before the bend. And they were all-" Shawn flopped around, mimicking someone dragging their foot along behind their legs. 

"They must be ahead of us." Gus said. 

"O'Hara!" Carlton yelled. 

She flipped back around. Ten walkers were ambling along, coming into view as the van rounded the corner. Their skin was saggy and blue, their eyes red and rolling in their heads. Their moans punctuated the still desert air.

**Bang Bang Bang**

She sent bullets to three of the walkers, hitting two of them in the chests. One crumbled, but the other just turned around and stumbled towards the van.

"Shit, Carlton, I need suppressive fire!" She yelled. 

Still hanging onto the wheel, he shot until his rifle ran out, then pulled out his gun. There were still four walkers, and they had turned around, advancing on the van.

A loud scraping noise pierced Juliet's ears. They both turned around to see Shawn sliding open the van's side door and pulling himself up onto the roof.

"You must be out of your damn mind!" Gus yelled up at him, slamming the door shut behind him. 

"Spencer, what the hell are you doing?" Shouted Carlton, giving Juliet a look of panic.

A banging up above let them know Shawn was crawling to the front of the van's roof.

"Just trust me!" He called to Lassiter.

"I don't even know you!"

Shawn ducked his head down over the driver's side, an inch from Lassiter's face. 

The sudden proximity startled him, and in the split second it took him to recover his bearings Shawn had pulled the gun from his hands and swung back up, balancing on his knees on the roof.

"You said you're a cop?" He shouted.

**Bang Bang Bang Bang**

Down the walkers fell, like perverse dominoes. Each had a bullet at the exact point between their eyes. 

Juliet stopped firing, and looked up, confused.

Lassiter couldn't keep his moth from hanging slightly agape as Shawn dropped down from the roof and clicked the safety on.

"Well, I was raised by them." 

He pushed himself through the window, and landed on Carlton's lap. He raised his eyebrows, then laughed.

"I've forgotten more about guns then you'll ever know, Lassie sweetheart."

Juliet couldn't keep a startled, nervous chuckle from escaping her. Carlton shot her a look that could wilt flowers, yanked his gun back, and shoved Shawn into the backseat with a thud.

Gus immediately went to his side, looking him over.

"Are you all right? Do you need any painkillers? Bandages?"

Shawn lay down on the floor, slightly out of breath. He looked far too pleased with himself, Juliet thought. He raised his eyebrows at Carlton and grinned.

"Sup Lassie? You can probably keep doing that driving thing now."

Gus cast Juliet an apologetic look and went back to fussing over Shawn. 

She heard a low growl and turned to her own ridiculous partner, who was breathing in and out of his teeth as the van drove on, lumbering over the bodies of the walkers with a set of sickening crunches.

"Carlton-" She whispered, trying not to be heard by the peanut gallery. 

"Why did he have to be a crack shot?" He almost whined, keeping his voice low as well. "We should've ditched them when we has the chance." 

He looked over his shoulder at Shawn, who was now trying to get Gus to play paddy-cake with him. "Now I can't in good conscious shoot someone who can handle an M-90."

Juliet leaned her head against her window as the sun beat down on them, wondering when she stopped caring when she heard things like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are very much appreciated.


	3. Gold

_And he spun the straw into gold._

All Gus could think about was the Rumplestilskin fairy tale his mother read him and Joy as kids. 

Juliet's blonde hair was frizzy and in a lumpy ponytail. It looked like she hadn't washed it in weeks. Yet when the sun shone down on it as they crossed into Nebraska, it glittered like every precious metal he'd ever learned the periodic symbol for.

He had been sitting in the back of the van, with nothing to do but stare creepily at Juliet's hair for nearly two days. They had one more walker attack in Colorado that Shawn had taken care of, and otherwise, this trip to Sanctuary, it was just dull.

Lassiter didn't let anyone else drive the van except when Juliet begged him to switch and sleep for an hour the day before. They hadn't stopped for more than thirty seconds since California. He suspected Lassiter didn't want anymore stowaways.

Suddenly, Juliet turned around and Gus jumped, trying to look like he'd been fascinated with the upholster on her seat.

"What do you know about this Sanctuary?" 

He cast a look at Shawn, who was curled up against the back of Lassiter's seat, half-sleeping. He scooted backwards a few feet so he could look at Juliet more clearly. 

"It's in Rockport, Massachusetts. They've sequestered themselves against the ocean or something. I don't know much about it. Shawn heard about it from his father. The three of us were going to drive there."

"Shawn's dad? Did he...?" Juliet let the a question hang, heavy and quiet in the air. 

Gus glanced again at Shawn, who was still sort-of asleep. Then he turned back and nodded grimly.

"Please don't ask him about it. He'd still be kicking in walls if we hadn't come across you two."

Juliet nodded solemnly, sending her golden curls bouncing up and down. Lassiter, who had been pretending not to listen, shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He rubbed his eyes, scrunching up his face as though to keep it moving.

Juliet noticed. 

"Oh my God, Carlton. We have to stop. Just for a few hours, you're going to collapse."

"Sleep deprivation _can_ cause lowered inhibitions. And hair loss." Gus said, mainly to steer the conversation away from Shawn's sad life story. 

It was a true testament to Lassiter's exhaustion that, after half an hour more, he pulled over with the setting sun and did just that.

. . .

"I like fires." Shawn commented, holding his hands in front of the little one Juliet and Gus started with matches on prescription bottles that Gus had in his bag. The chemicals in the plastic made the flames green. "They're hot, like me. And they make me want s'mores." He had woken his usual bright and bouncy self, with no sign he had heard the others talking about him. 

The van was parked on the side of the road by a wheat field. Gus had started the fire in the two feet between the field and the van. He and Shawn sat with their backs against the van, an Indian blanket draped over their legs. Lassiter had locked the doors of the van and passed out in the driver's seat.

"We have to be careful." Juliet yawned as she walked in a circle around the van and the fire. "Keep it small. Light attracts wa-lkers." She yawned again, blinking hard.

"Do you want to rest, Jules?" Shawn asked, rubbing his hands together. "You've been up almost as long as Lassie."

She paused. Her shoulders slumped.

"I really would."

"Then go. I'll watch. Gus, scoot over. Make her comfortable."

He stood and Gus slid along the side of the van, shaking out the blanket as Shawn took Juliet's pistol from her, smoothing her bangs back with a smile. Juliet sat down, tilting her head back against the van's cold exterior. The fire made her hair glow.

It was the most beautiful thing Gus had seen in ages, he mused, as he fell drifted off next to her.

Shawn picked up Juliet's route around the others until her was sure she and Gus were asleep. Their heads fell to the sides, pushed up against each other.

Then he took the clip he'd snatched from Juliet's hair and jammed it into the van, unlocking the passenger's side door. He jumped up and sat in shotgun.

"I know you're not asleep."

There was a pause, then a heavy sigh of defeat. Carlton slowly turned from his side to stare up at the roof of the van. His big blue eyes were bloodshot.

"Just leave me alone, Spencer."

"You are allowed to rest, Lassie. No one's going to punish you for taking a nap." He kicked his feet up on the dashboard. "I like naps. Naps are one of the few great pleasures left in this tipsy-turvy world."

"It's topsy-turvy."

"I've heard it both ways." 

"Stop talking or I will shoot you. Repeatedly."

"Fine. I'll just play I Spy. By myself." Shawn's voice dropped to a whisper as he pointed at various thins along the road. "I Spy a crapload of something tan. _Is it wheat, Shawn?_ It is indeed. _I Spy something small and white._ Is it that patch of Lil-"

"Don't."

It came out louder than Carlton meant it to. And strained. He turned to Shawn, his blue eyes suddenly full of fury they didn't seem to be any color at all.

"Don't you dare say that word in this car. Not now, not ever."

Shawn's eyes widened in surprise at the sudden anger.

"OK." He said softly, raising his hands in defense. "Deep breaths, Lassie. I won't."

Lassiter glared at him for another second, then jerked onto his side, away from Shawn. He squeezed his eyes shut to keep them dry.

Shawn stared at his back, at the silver chain around his neck. He almost said something, then deflated and sighed. He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. Let his sight and taste disappear into the night before he could do anymore damage. 

A night that was suddenly more florescent than black. 

The sudden beams of light made Shawn and Lassiter sit up at the same time. Shawn kicked open the door, gripping onto the frame with one hand as and his pistol aimed with the other.

Lassiter squinted. Two little beacons were weaving towards them through the wheat field. He got out of the van and walked towards the edge of the crops.

"O'Hara, 11-99." He said as loudly as he could without shouting.

Gus fell over as Juliet woke and stood, reaching for the smaller gun she kept strapped to her ankle. She edged towards the front of the van, aiming at the field.

"Humans or walkers?"

"Unclear. Possible 10-43."

Gus felt a sudden jerk upwards as Shawn leaned down, his eyes still on the lights coming towards them, and pulled him into standing position.

"You got the Beretta, right?" He mumbled. Gus gulped and nodded, taking the gun from his belt. At least he'd get some of this ammo off his chest.

The lights drew close, making the long strands of wheat look fluorescent for a second before they parted. Two people stepped out.

"Don't move!" Lassiter shouted. 

"Whoa there!" One of them said. It was a man of about forty carrying a flashlight. He was portly, with thick blonde hair and a matching mustache. He lifted his arms in surrender. "Simmer down, boy."

"Boy? He's like three years older than you." Shawn said. 

"Shut _up_ , Spencer!"

"Lassie, babe, we gotta work on the breathing thing with you. These guys are clean. Look at them."

Gus tilted his head. "No spots on their hands." 

"I'm Jim McCormack." Said the man. "This here is my daughter Grace."

The other person held her flashlight up so they could see her face. She was about eleven years old, wearing a thin cotton dress and saddle shoes. She looked at them all blankly.

"Oh no." Said Lassiter, lowering his gun. "We are not taking anyone else." 

Juliet shot him a look. "Carlton-"

"I knew we shouldn't have stopped. The last time we stopped we got stuck with these two clowns. I can't take a-" he made a vague gesture towards the little girl, Grace.

Jim McCormack just laughed.

"Calm down there. We don't need to get away."

"You don't?" Gus asked, tucking his gun away now too.

"Course they don't." Said Shawn. Everyone looked at him. He dropped down onto the seat, his legs hanging out of the van. "They haven't got any supplies, they're all bathed. They've been living here."

"In the wheat field?" Carlton asked. 

"In Triss." Jim said, laughing again. "We saw you passin' through, we wanted to offer y'all a place there too."

"What's Triss?" 

Suddenly Gus caught a whiff of something succulent. Rich and smoked and-

"Is that bacon?" He asked. Jim beamed. 

"Sure is, kiddo." 

He pointed out across the field to where a small line of smoke was rising. The four of them stood on their tiptoes and saw a cluster of small buildings.

"Welcome to Triss." Jim said. "The Last Safe Town in America."

Gus thanked God the world was still a place that could make Shawn look surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to the California Police Database, 11-99 means 'Officer requires back-up.' And 10-43 means 'hostile parties.'


	4. God's Favorite

Shawn was excited.

Two weirdos emerging from a wheat field and an idyllic town in the middle of nowhere that wanted to feed him pork. This was just the nonsense he needed to distract himself from what had happened the past month. 

Gus and his new friends were not as pleased.

"Why are we following them? This is like that Twilight Zone episode." Gus muttered as Jim and Grace led them back through the field to Triss. 

"Gus, I hardly think all of their doctors will turn out to be pigs."

"That's not the one I'm talking about. I mean the one with the creepy mind-controlling kid who-"

"Whoa." Juliet broke through their bickering. She looked up in awe as the other stumbled to a stop.

They had reached the other end of the wheat. A ten-foot-tall fence surrounded the little cluster of buildings, with guards on either side of the equally huge gate. They each had an enormous gun slung over their shoulder.

"Sweet Lord, those are AK-47s." Lassiter said, his own hands curling unconsciously around the two Browning 35s he kept strapped to his chest.

"Like I said, no one gets in that we don' invite ourselves." Jim said. Stepping up to the guards, he held out his hands and tongue. Grace and Shawn did the same, followed only a little reluctantly by the others. 

One of the guards waved to an unseen person and the gates creaked open. Shawn bounded onto the little street. It had a church with boarded up windows and a few empty stores. A dozen or so people were crowded in the middle of the road, cooking on a round barbecue. 

They hadn't seen this many people in weeks. Lassiter shifted and took a few steps in front of the rest of the group, shielding them from the strangers.

Shawn noticed and rolled his eyes. Pushing past Lassiter, he flung both of his arms out. 

"Greetings! My name is Shawn Spencer, these are my associates, Larry, Moe, and Mike Tyson."

"Stop type-casting me, Shawn." Gus muttered. 

"Who says you're Mike Tyson?" Shawn dropped his arms and turned to look at him. "Look who's making assumptions now."

"Welcome." An ethereal voice interrupted their bickering. An older woman removed herself from the crowd. She was about fifty. Her hair was gray and gauzy like her clothes, and her neck was adorned with several chunky wooden necklaces. She stepped forward and shook Shawn's hand with both of her own.

"My name is Myrtle. It's OK." She said, holding up a hand to Lassiter. "You can lay down your weapons. You're safe now."

"I think I'll decide when I'm letting go of Mindy and Brenda, thanks." Carlton snarled. Shawn ducked his head to keep from laughing. 

"You've got this place pretty well fortified, don't you?" Juliet asked, standing on her tip-toes. The entire block was surrounded in fence and guards.

"The Lord thought it fit to save us from the end of days." Myrtle said. "Just as he gave Jim and Grace the guidance to find you, Ms...?"

"Juliet." Juliet put her hands in her jacket and Shawn could tell she was making sure her mace was still in place. "This is Gus and Carlton."

"Shawn, Juliet, Gus and Carlton." Myrtle repeated. She turned to the others.

"Welcome our new sister and brothers!"

There was a cheer. Juliet and Gus backed up. Carlton held onto Mindy a little tighter. Shawn grinned and edged his way into the crowd.

"Save that rib for me, Jack."

Gus caught him by the elbow and turned him around as chatter started around them once more.

"Shawn, shouldn't we be focusing on getting to Sanctuary?" He said in a low voice.

Shawn sighed and slung his arm around Gus.

"Gus, don't be the last person in a conga line. Why should we spend two more weeks in a van looking for a Sanctuary that _might_ exist when we've found a place that we can stay and be safe?"

"This place is weird." Juliet whispered. 

"You know that's right." Gus tried to fist bump her, but she just pushed his hand down while still staring at Shawn.

Shawn sighed and cast a look around, then turned back to the others.

"Just...trust me, on this. We'll stay the night. If you still want to leave tomorrow, we'll talk."

"This makes me sick to say, but I'm with Spencer on this." Lassiter said, finally letting his arms drop from his guns.

Shawn beamed and blew him a kiss. Juliet looked at him in alarm. Gus snorted.

"You must be out of your damn mind."

"I haven't slept in fifty-two hours!"

Shawn put his other arm around Juliet, steering her and Gus towards the refreshment table next to the barbecue.

"Look, they have booze. Just have a drink, relax." He picked up a cup and waved it in front of Gus' face.

"Stop it Shawn." He snatched the cup and turned to Juliet.

"...I am hungry."

Juliet sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Me too."

Shawn clapped his hands together, looking entirely too pleased with himself. 

"Then we shall stay in the lovely town of Triss. I need to pee. Jules, come wash up with me." 

Without waiting for an answer, he dragged her towards the closet building, a little bookstore. Gus and Lassiter looked at each other awkwardly, and then resigned themselves to picking up some of the links and patties laid out on the table.

. . .

"Shawn, why did you bring me in here?" Juliet asked as Shawn tumbled into the bookstore.

"Girls always go to the bathroom in groups. I wanted you to feel as though you're among your own kind."

"Shawn."

"Fine." He threw his hands in the air. "I wanted to get a look around. You're smart. You'd notice if something was off."

"You think there's something _wrong_ with this weirdly perfect town in the middle of nowhere? _Really_?" Juliet found the small bathroom behind the counter and turned the faucet, watching the grime and dirt dissolve from her hands with satisfaction.

"You can't be too careful." He said, squeezing into the tiny bathroom with her. Juliet smiled.

"You sound like Lassiter." 

Shawn made a face and flicked water in her eyes. She smirked and they both spent a few minutes trying rinse the dirt from their hair and hands.

"...Hey, who's Lily?" He asked as Juliet bent to splash water on her face.

Juliet's head whipped up in alarm.

"What did you say?"

"Who's Lily?"

"Please tell me you didn't ask Carlton that." She said tightly.

Shawn took a step back, bumping into the wall.

"It may have come up."

Juliet closed her eyes briefly and shook her head, leaning down to resume washing her face.

"Lily was his daughter's name." She said softly. "She and his wife-they were some of the first to turn."

"...he had a wife."

"She...he had to..." Juliet let out a strangled kind of gulp. With some difficulty, Shawn pulled his arm out and put it around her shoulder.

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry Jules. I didn't mean to-"

"No, no. It's not your fault. She...She was just young. God, both of them were so young." She twisted to look at him. "I just want this to be over."

Shawn didn't respond, only squeezed her tighter. He was strangely quiet as they made their way back into the street. 

The block party had gotten more raucous as people got drunk. 

"Juliet! You beautiful, ass-kicking queen." Gus said as soon as they reached him in the street. Shawn noticed he'd finished the beer Shawn had given him and started another one. 

Gus threw out his arms. "Dance with me, Princess of Verona."

Shawn had to swallow his laugh. Juliet looked at Gus for a moment, her face stuck somewhere between laughing and crying.

And then she stepped forward, and slowly guided Gus' hands to her waist. They stood for a moment before she fell against his chest, clinging to his neck for dear life. Gus rocked them back and forth to music only they could hear.

Shawn raised his eyebrow, but let it pass. If he'd learned anything this past month, stranger things could happen than Gus hooking up with a hot cop.

He glanced around the square, where the residents of Triss were swaying too, chatting and singing and eating out of their hands like this was a completely normal summer barbecue. 

_What is wrong with you people?_

"Spencer!"

Shawn turned to see Lassiter propped up against one of the small trees that lined the sidewalk. He had a red solo cup in his hands. 

Shawn walked over and sat on the grass next to him.

"Hey Lassie."

"This stuff is fantastic." He pointed to the cup. He had spilled most of the beer on his coat. 

"Sure is, buddy." Shawn leaned his head against the tree trunk. He almost wished he hadn't asked Juliet about Lily. Now when he looked at Lassiter, he saw a sad, broken man who watched his family die, not the blustery, cute, hardass he'd fallen-

_Whoa, where did that come from?_

"Gimme that." Shawn took Carlton's cup and downed the rest of the beer in one. It tasted bitter and warm.

"Spencer, you...you _astound_ me."

If he hadn't been watching Carlton's lips move, he wouldn't have believed he had said it. He looked looked down at the empty cup.

"Really."

"O'Hara and I had been trying to survive for close to a month, and three days in you find some paradise in Nebraska. You-" He pointed at Shawn's nose, somewhat unsteadily. "You are something else."

He was looking at him steadily now, or as steadily as he could in his incapacitated state. Shawn felt his stomach drop.

"I'm sorry about Lily." He blurted out.

Lassiter's features hardened, and he took the cup back, crushing it between his fingers.

"Don't...don't." His eyes were full of unfocused pain. Shawn wondered how many times he was going to make somebody cry tonight.

"Hey, hey hey hey..." He scooted closer so their legs pressed against each other. He awkwardly put an arm around Carlton, leaning his head on his chest.

"It's OK, it's OK. You're here. You're fine."

He tucked his feet underneath him and inched closer, arms around his neck, head on his chest until Carlton's ragged breathing steadied.

He glanced up, and saw he had fallen asleep, the worry lines disappearing from his face.

Shawn didn't move.

He rubbed the metal chain around Carlton's neck, but didn't pull it out for closer examination. It didn't feel right.

Instead he watched the people on the street as the night wound on, his own vision started to blur. Juliet and Gus dancing, giggling, darting off to a dark corner. Myrtle and some of the other townspeople talking seriously in the center of the group. Glancing at the horizon, the people, the church, still boarded up.

It wasn't the windows, Shawn noticed, with all the nails and planks across them. It was the door. 

_What do they have in there?_ was Shawn's last thought before he too, drifted off to sleep.

Shawn should've stayed awake.


	5. Run

**_Bong. Bong. Bong._ **

The slow, heavy ding reverberated through Carlton's skull and he woke with a start. 

His head was pounding, his vision a little fuzzy. He tried to piece together where he was, what had happened.

Drinking, sitting by the tree, O'Hara ran off with Guster, Spencer's head on his chest...

Oh God.

His ears went scarlet. He did not seriously get drunk and start _cuddling_ with _Spencer._

**Bong. Bong. Bong.**

There was that noise again, dragging Carlton from his mortification. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He opened them to a clearer and more confusing world.

He was in a dark, dank room with high vaulted ceilings. The church he had seen when they came in. He sat in a wicker chair. There were people standing, staring at him from every angle.

Triss. All it's townspeople. 

He went for his guns, but discovered he couldn't move his hands. They were duck taped together behind his back. He tried to turn and jerk them free, and realized his chair was backed into a square with three others just like it.

Each one held Juliet, Shawn and Gus. Shawn and Gus were wearing coarse white tunics and pants that Carlton realized matched his own, that he'd had somehow been changed into. Juliet was wearing a white sundress of the same material. They were all unconscious.

"I thought you'd be the first one to wake up." Said a breathy voice. "You're the biggest."

Myrtle emerged from the crowd, holding a gong in one hand and a small mallet in the other.

"What is this? Did you drug us?" He shouted struggling against the bonds.

Myrtle smiled and leaned down. She stroked Lassiter's chin.

"I only did what The Lord my God commanded me to."

"Aw, it _is_ a cult! Gus owes me ten bucks!"

Myrtle and Lassiter turned at the noise. Shawn had evidentially come to several moments before. 

He scanned the room, giving Lassiter a tiny nod. His eyes betrayed the panic his goofy expressions were masking.

"I gotta say, I'm not loving these outfits. They're a little _Partrich Family_ for me. Do you people have _The Partrich Family?_ Or do you just watch three-eyed lambs stare at the sun?"

"Mmm...Shawn..." Gus groaned, stirring for the first time. Lassiter turned back to Myrtle, looking for exits as Shawn and Gus riffed back and forth. Their way of processing trouble was too irritating for him to focus on right now.

A tall box stood in the back of church, with a long black table cloth laid over it. Maybe wind was coming in through the patchy ceiling, because it looked like the cloth was fluttering back and forth.

"Oh my God, what's wrong with with Juliet?" Gus asked. Lassiter's stomach turned to ice, but Shawn just waved the fear away.

"She's just out cold. She's so small, whatever they gave us took her down hard."

"Y'all best be quiet." said a gruff voice from the group of townspeople. It was Jim McCormack. "The shouting just makes everything worse."

"OK," Carlton tried his best to use his scary-cop voice. "You whackjobs have ten seconds to explain what the hell you're playing at or I will shoot every one of you!"

**_Bong. Bong. Bong_ **

"God gave the materials to survive this Armageddon. Only us." Said Myrtle, hitting her gong again to drown out Carlton. The rest of the town remained silent. "Anyone else who comes through here is a test. We can't let sinners into Eden."

"But you did let us in." Said Gus. 

Myrtle tilted her head.

"Yes, we do do that. On occasion." Her eyes glittered with the air of someone cradling a bombshell. "Where else are we going to get our meat?"

Lassiter didn't think it was possible to feel someone else shudder. But it felt like his own involuntary twitches as Shawn started shaking next to him, images from the night before flashing through his mind. The barbecue, the links and patties.

"Gus. Gus, hold back my beautiful hair. I don't want it to see me like this." Shawn croaked, before he started to retch. 

Gus was frantically trying to scrub his tongue with his bound-up hands. Carlton's own stomach started to curl in horror, but he was more focused on the frenzied panting next to him, and how it was making the townspeople advance on Spencer. He clumsily clapped his hands around Shawn's flailing ones. 

"Spencer." He muttered. "We need to stay calm and think."

"Right." Shawn gasped a little too loudly. "Think now, throw up forever after." 

He looked around the room again. His eyes fell on the tall, covered box in the corner Carlton had noticed earlier.

"What's behind Door Number 2?" He asked, pointing at it with his chin. 

"See, God has always offered a choice." Said Myrtle. "Eat the apple or not. Help the injured Jew or don't." 

She waved her arms and two of the men standing closest the the box gripped the fabric and yanked it off.

"Sacrifice yourself for The Lord, or get bit."

It was a big cage. Inside was a walker, slamming itself against bars, moaning formless words, drooling and bearing it's teeth.

Shawn swallowed. "See, when I was in college-"

"You never went to college, Shawn."

"When Gus was in college, he answered every test question he didn't know with C. You gave us our first two options, Moaning Myrtle." Shawn curled and uncurled his fingers inside Carlton's grip. He sneered in the direction of the townspeople. "What's option C?"

Myrtle bristled, and waved Jim forward. He and a short black woman advanced, holding the AK-47s Carlton had been admiring the day before. The woman pressed the barrel to Carlton's forehead and Jim headed for Shawn.

"Option C," said a soft voice. "Is to check that you've got control of the whole group before you start monologuing." 

Juliet's head whipped up, alert and very much conscious. She sprung from her chair and turned to face the crowd. 

"Wha...Jules..." Shawn started. Juliet's hands looks as though they had been sliced free from their ties. 

She held up a finger, and ran to the other side of the chairs, standing in front of Carlton. She knocked the AK-47 from the woman's hand and turned it on her, shoving it into her gut.

"O'Hara, how the hell?"

She looked over her shoulder with a tiny smile.

"What's the point of having hair this long if you can't hide a razor blade in it?"

"Were I not a gentleman I would make love to you right now on this dirty church floor." Shawn yelled.

Gus and Lassiter both aimed kicks at him.

Jim McCormack fired at Juliet. She swerved out of the way, yanking the leg of Lassiter's chair as she went down so he tumbled over too, avoiding the bullets. 

"Thanks, O'Hara." He gasped. She pressed something sharp into his hand. 

"Get the other two free and then cover me."

Lassiter sliced himself free and started working on Shawn. 

"The guns are in that pile by the door." Shawn whispered, pointing with his eyes. Lassiter nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, turning to rip through Gus' bonds when he felt a sharp pierce to his side.

He looked down to see blood blossoming from a gunshot wound to his abdomen. The red soaked through the white tunic.

"Son of a bitch." He barely managed to free Guster before he fell on his back, clutching his side.

"Carlton!" Juliet and Shawn yelled at the same time. Gus bent over him, pressing his hands down to staunch the bleeding. Through his haze, he saw Gus share a glance with Shawn, who looked absolutely terrified.  
He bolted to the wall of the church...and out the side door.

Juliet continued to fire into the now panicking crowd, running this way and that. The walker's cage swayed back and forth, and it gnashed it's teeth and swung it's nails at every one who passed it. Myrtle stood in the crowd, frantically banging on her gong, but it was no use.

Suddenly, there was a scream. The front doors flew open, the planks that boarded them up flew away in a blizzard of splintered wood.

It was Shawn, standing in the doorway, blood on his hands. Before anyone could react, he picked up one of Lassiter's Brownings from the forgotten pile and shot Myrtle in the back of the head.

She hit the ground like a sack of potatoes, her gong clattering on the floor.

Jim and the other woman aimed for Shawn, but Juliet let another round loose, and everyone ducked for cover.

"Can you carry him?" She yelled. With a grunt, Gus heaved Lassiter over his shoulder, blood trickling down onto his own white clothes.

"The van's across the field, c'mon." Shawn yelled, then tore down the front steps of the church.

"Har...hara, gimme..." Carlton pulled the gun away from her as they ran to the door, and shot the walker in the face. It crumbled.  
Carlton spit the blood that was rising in his mouth on it and looked down at Gus.  
"Go."

For the next few minutes the world was nothing but panic and labored breathing and tall stacks of feathery wheat. Shawn had never known a more beautiful sight than when the dented old van parked on the side of the road loomed into view.

Juliet ripped the door open and Gus dumped Lassiter in, shutting it behind him with one hand, stilling holding Lassiter together with the other. Juliet and Shawn jumped in the front seat.

"Don' let him drive O'Hara..." Carlton slurred. 

"Seriously? Lassie, you're killing me!" Shawn groaned, but slid into the passengers seat as Juliet turn the ignition with shaking hands and slammed on the gas, shooting away from the hellish town of Triss as fast as they could.

For thirty, brief seconds, everyone gasped for breath and relief. Gus pulled open one of the crates to find some antibiotics and gauze for Lassiter. 

And then there was a clunk against the hood. Juliet screamed.

Little Grace McCormack had thrown herself in front of the car.


	6. Just A Little Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Watch the sun set/on another empty life._  
>  -Jonathan Larson

"Take me with you!"

The little girl's voice was thin and shrieking through the glass.

"Oh my God." Juliet's hands flew to her mouth as her voice cracked.

"Whatteryoudoin', O'Hara?" Lassiter slurred. "Drive!"

"I-I-" Juliet looked desperately at Shawn as though hoping for an answer.

"No way. We are not helping someone from a cult that just tried to eat us." Gus yelled from the back.

"I don' want...some little girl...I _can't_..." Carlton gave up and lay down on the floor of the van.

Juliet looked at Shawn, who just looked right back at her.

"I...I don't know, Jules."

Juliet yanked the brake.

"Dammit."

She marched outside, grabbed Grace by the arm and pulled her into the van.

"Grace, this is Shawn. Hold her." She commanded. Shawn awkwardly scooped the little girl in his arms as Juliet floored it again.

She was younger than they had thought at first glance, maybe nine years old. She wore a man's sweater over her dress, the sleeves flopping far past her hands. Her hair was matted with sweat. She must have chased them through the cornfields.

"Juliet, they're going to come after her. After us." Gus said, his voice tight.

"No they won't." Said Shawn, looking back the way they came. "They don't ever want to leave Eden, right? Anyone who does didn't deserve to be there in the first place."

"Shawn!" Juliet gave him a pointed look, but Grace didn't seem to react. She just curled up into a ball and stared blankly out the window.

"I didn't want to eat anymore." She mumbled.

Gus stiffly gave Carlton two little white pills and he passed out to the sounds of Shawn gagging.

. . .

The new morning broke after they crossed into Iowa. Carlton woke up to his neck and back aching.

He stiffly sat up and saw he was alone inside the van. He whirled around, causing his side to pinch. Doubling over, he saw Mindy and Brenda placed on the floor with something scribbled on a piece of gauze next to them, the handwriting smudged and childlike.

 _Lassie,_  
_Relax, we're all fine. Walk a hundred feet, straight out from the van. Take the guns if you simply **must**._  
_-Shawn_

Carlton shook his head, almost smiling. The cult had taken his holster, so he just held Mindy in one hand and Brenda in the other as he gingerly stepped out.

Juliet had pulled them aways off road. The van was surrounded by high grasses and sloping hills. He cautiously walked forward, as Spencer told him to. After Triss, he wasn't entirely sure that Shawn had written the note at his own free will.

There was soft talking coming into earshot now, just over the hill Carlton climbed. He cocked Brenda as he crested it.

A spindly river wound past the base of the hill. He saw four people standing at the shoreline.

"Top O' the mornin', Lassifras!" Shawn called.

Carlton lowered both sets of his arms. Shawn met him half way up the hill and helped him down. His hands were warm from the sun.

"We're having a disgusting vegan breakfast." He said as the reached the rest of the group. Grace sat away from the others with her feet in the river. Juliet lay her head on Guster's lap, looking rather wan and pale, while he split up pieces of dried fruit from a packet.

"I thought you'd be glad I packed vegetarian alternatives after that travesty in Triss."

"I'm never going to be able to eat beef jerky again. That is the real travesty."

"What's wrong with O'Hara?" Lassiter asked as he sat down cross legged on the bank.

"I'm just a little nauseous." She said thinly.

"Sweet Jules is still trying to get Triss out of her system." Shawn said, leaning over to pat her ankle. He handed Carlton a dried apple slice and tossed one to Grace, who just let it fall next to her leg. She didn't move.

"Has she said anything else?" Lassiter asked. He didn't like looking at her. She reminded him of Lily. Of who Lily could've been, if she'd been given a chance to grow.

Gus shook his head. They exchanged an uneasy look, and everyone nibbled on their breakfast silently.

A minute later, as if unable to stand the tension anymore, Shawn bounced up and walked over to Grace. He grabbed her arm.

"Grace, you adorable little pumpkin, you reek."

And without waiting for a response, he jumped into the river and pulled Grace down with him.

Lassiter jumped to his feet, but just as quickly Shawn burst back to the surface, holding Grace above water, laughing.

"Spencer, stop screwing around."

"Look at them Grace, judging us. Come on, it's not like you all smell like roses."

Gus and Juliet smirked and walked to the edge of the water. They both bent down to put their feet in, but Shawn knocked their ankles out from underneath them.

"Shawn!"

"No no no-"

They both fell into the river with a splash. Grace giggled. Shawn lit up at the sound.

"C'mon, Lassie. Don't be a rotten egg."

Lassiter sighed. "Spencer, I-"

"Carlton, come on! Who else is going to help me drown Shawn?" Juliet sputtered as she shook water from her hair.

She climbed out of the river and grabbed him by the arm. For someone who weighed a hundred and ten pounds literally soaking wet, she didn't seem to strain pulling him into the water.

"Please don't make me do this-AHH!"

The water was ice cold, even for May. For a second Lassiter flailed and bubbles fizzed all around him. Then the shock subsided, his training kicked in, and he managed to push himself to the surface.

The river stung his wound but soothed the rest of his tired skin. He treaded water as best he could in the quick current, turning until he had visual on the others.

Gus had scooped Juliet up in his arms. She shrieked and laughed and hung onto his neck as he swayed back and forth with the water.

He looked at her like she was made of solid gold.

Her eyes were lighter than Carlton had seen in far too long.

"Quick, in Lassie's face, go!"

Lassiter barely got out of the way as Shawn held Grace up and had her kick her legs, causing a spray where his eyes had been a second before. He brought his hands down hard and splashed them back.

Shawn's hair was plastered to his face, dark with water. He was still wearing his stupid white tunic, which was soaked through. His eyes were sparkling as he turned and clutched Lassiter's hand with his own free one.

"Oh, it's on." He said, and dragged him under water.

Carlton's face hurt. His mouth felt strange and tight.

It was a moment before he realized he was smiling.

. . .

They spent most of the day swimming in the river, laying out on the shore. Juliet got out twice, complaining of dizziness and nausea. Carlton hoped she wasn't getting sick.

His own wound had been dealt with with reasonable ease. Guster fed him pain killers every few hours and changed his bandages. The bullet hadn't hit any vital organs.

"You were very, very lucky." Gus had said.

Carlton had never thought he'd hear that again.

"We got to keep moving." Juliet panted as they finally got out of the river for good. "If we go really fast tomorrow we can hit Ohio by nightfall." Her lips were blue and trembling. Gus got up to get some extra coats from the van.

Shawn splashed out of the water too, throwing Grace onto the ground next to Carlton with far too much ease. On land, his soaked clothes were very see-through. Carlton tried not to stare.

"I like this place. I wish we could stay awhile."

"They have rivers in Massachusetts, Shawn." Juliet yawned as Gus came back over the hill with his bag and a few coats. Shawn stretched out onto his back.

"It's just like the only man who's hair can rival mine, David Tennant, says, I don't want to go." He turned his head and winked at Carlton. "There's a nice view here."

Carlton's ears burned and he busied himself yanking a mercifully dry coat from Guster and zipping it up, turning back only when he heard-

"Grace? Give me your sweater, I have something warm."

Gus frowned as the little girl shrank away, holding the sleeves of the wet, oversized man's sweater more tightly to her arms.

Shawn squinted and tilted his head.  
"Grace...take off your sweater."

Grace shook her head vehemently. Shawn's face fell.

"Grace, pumpkin, why won't you take off your sweater?"

There was an awful silence.

Shawn leaned over, picked her up, and pushed back her sleeves.

Her hands were spotted black and blue.

He set her down and backed away, closing his eyes.

"The walker in the cage must've nipped her in the chaos." Carlton said, automatically, unhelpfully.

More silence.

Shawn spoke, his eyes still shut.

"Gus how long after the spots does someone turn?"

"...Twenty four hours."

"Ah."

Without warning, he balled up his new coat and threw it into the river with a scream.

"Shawn-" Juliet ran for him.

"No! I-I can't do this anymore, OK?" He was smiling, though it was joyless and twisted. "I-can't-keep-watching-people-die."

He turned and ran up the hill and back to the van.

Lassiter and Juliet exchanged a glance.

"I'll take 5150-" He started.

"I got the ADOA." She finished.

He squeezed her shoulder and tore off.

Her eyes grew heavy once again.

. . .

"Hey! Hey Spencer!"

Lassiter ignored the pain in his side and marched to the van, grabbing Shawn by the collar and slamming him into the side of the car.

"Lassiter, get off of me." He said. Carlton's stomach dropped unpleasantly at the sound of his real name coming from Shawn's lips.

"You don't get to do that. Just quit like that. The rest of don't get to, it's not fair." He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the heaviness in his stomach and heart. "That little girl isn't going to be human much longer and we need to figure out-"

"Neither am I!"

Lassiter let go of Shawn and took a step back.

"You...you're not-"

"That's not what I meant, Lassie." He groaned, and Carlton's heart started beating again. Shawn leaned in, his voice shaking with uncomfortable laughter.

"I shot some crazy old woman in the head, point blank. I let my dad be taken by zombies. And I laugh and I joke to keep it out of my head but I can't do it anymore, man. I just can't!" His hands went to his head, clutching fistfuls of damp hair. "I'm a monster."

To Carlton's horror, his eyes started welling up. He slid down the side of the van as Carlton unconsciously moved to catch him, wrapping an arm around his lower waist.

"Shawn. Shawn, look at me. You are not a monster. You are a human being that terrible things happened to. Terrible things happen to all of us, and we keep going. We push it away and we soldier on." He spoke slowly, deliberately. "Grace turning is not your fault."

Shawn let out a strangled gulp and threw himself into Carlton's arms. His heart was hammering like mad against Carlton's own chest.

They sunk to the ground as Carlton breathed in the smell of Shawn's hair and thought about God.

Where the hell was that bastard when you needed him.

. . .

Gus had brought down his case of medicine anyway to give Lassiter his painkillers.

"This isn't right." He whispered to Juliet.

"We don't have another choice." She said harshly back. "I'm not using the guns, and I'm not putting Carlton through this again."

"Through what?"

Juliet cupped his face and bit her lip.

"Gus, this is the best option. For all of us."

She pressed a kiss to his forehead and crouched down in front of Grace. The two were eye to eye.

"Don't want to eat anyone. Don't want to hurt them." She mumbled. Juliet took a deep breath.

"We don't want you to do that either."

Grace glared at Juliet and Gus. Her eyes were turning red.

"Don't want to die."

"Grace, do you understand what's going to happen? You won't be you, anymore." Juliet said. "Gus is going to help you go to sleep. And you'll get to go sleep as Grace McCormack." She clutched Grace's wet, covered hands and held them to her chest.

"That's the absolute best we can do for you, pumpkin."

Grace looked at her for a minute, than nodded mutely.

"OK? OK." Juliet whispered, close to tears. She hugged Grace. She was stiff and unresponsive. Gus knelt down next to them, and handed Grace a handful of pills.

"You have to take them all at once. Don't worry, they're l-litte." He swallowed and forced a smile. "I know a sister like you can do it."

Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as she held them in her hands, then her mouth.

Shawn cried himself to sleep in Lassiter's aching arms.

Juliet and Gus sat on either side of the little girl, feet in the river, watching and waiting.

The sun went down on the day and on Grace McCormack's life.


	7. When It Happens To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments and kudos like Lassiter loves guns.

They left Iowa twenty minutes after Grace died. 

Gus and Juliet buried her as fast as they could by the river, her last place of peace. Tears streamed down Gus' face as he wrote in the river bank with a piece of driftwood.

_Here lies Grace McCormack, a human being._

"It's going to get washed away." Juliet told him, her eyes hard and stormy. He took her hand.

"Doesn't everything?"

It was dark when they reached the van, and found their partners slumped under the big cold moon. Carlton looked exhausted. Shawn still clung to him like an emotionally stunted koala bear, his breathing ragged. 

"Carlton-"

"Whatever you did, I don't want to hear about it." He shifted Shawn's unconscious body into Gus' arms and let him load his friend into the back seat. "Let's get the hell out of Doge."

"Gladly." Juliet slammed the shotgun door shut.

He drove eighty until the sun came up and two days had flown by.

. . .

Shawn's dreams were strange. 

Nothing had a distinct shape, just darkness dancing in swirls, fractals of blue piercing through the veil. Memories of warm hands enclosing his kept him twisting in a fitful sleep for hours.

Carlton looked back at him more than was probably safe.

. . .

Gus and Carlton had never been this far East before, and nobody but Shawn had ever seen Ohio.

It was full of trees and sickness.

"Stop! Stop! Open the window, I-" Juliet leaned over and vomited onto the road.

"Ugh!" Carlton crinkled his nose in disgust and Shawn pulled his shirt over his face like a gas mask. It was the third time she'd thrown up that day. 

"I'm sorry." She croaked. She wrenched open the door and doubled over on the muddy pavement. Lassiter rolled his eyes, sighed, and dutifully went to go hold back her hair, partners through and through.

"What's up with Puksy McUpchuck?" Shawn asked Gus in a low voice as they were left alone in the back of the car. "I thought she'd have gotten Hannibal Lecter out of her system by now."

"Hannibal Lecter was the one who ate other people, Shawn."

"I've heard it both ways. It's not a sign of, you know...turning?"

Gus shook his head. "No way. The spots are how you tell. Vomiting can be tons of things. The stomach flu, food poisoning, pregnancy..."

Shawn started to scoff, then froze. 

It took something seriously wrong to make someone as dark as Gus go so pale.

"Dude." He said as softly as he could. "What is that face?"

Gus didn't answer, only gulped uncomfortably. Shawn grabbed him by his tee shirt and pulled him so close their noses touched.

"Gus? Look at me. Gus, please tell me that is not an I-accidentally-got-someone-pregnant-while-we're-fighting-for-our-lives face."

Gus looked up at Shawn. His eyes were terrified.

"That night in Triss...we were kind of drunk and drugged and..."

"Oh my God." Shawn clapped his hands over his mouth. "Oh my God." His hands flew to his head, absently tugging on his hair. "You have to get her to take the test." 

He crawled across the floor and reached into the beat-up rucksack he had stuffed full of supplies he looted from a Circle K in California. He pulled out a thin, pink plastic box.

"Why did you even get pregnancy tests?" Gus muttered.

"I was going to do a bit! Make a _Zoey 101_ joke or something!" Shawn shoved the box towards him. "Take it, see if you can subtly find out without her knowing!"

"How am I supposed to subtly get someone to pee on a stick?"

"Oh my God is that what they do?"

"Do you not know how pregnancy tests work?"

"I thought you just sat in your high school bathroom and stared at it. That is sick, Burton!"

"Hey, knuckleheads." Said a slow, angry voice. "You might want to shut up now."

Shawn and Gus looked up. With a sickening jolt, they saw Lassiter had slid back into the van, glaring down at them. Juliet was frozen at her door, her face a mask of horror.

"Jules!" Shawn said, his voice too high. "We were just...rehearsing a play. Called...'Gus Has a Pregnancy Scare During The Apocalypse.'" He swallowed, his throat feeling very dry. "It-It's a work in progress. Angela Landsbury is in talks to play Gus."

"Shawn. Shut up." Said Juliet. He obeyed.

Very calmly, she got into the car and closed the door. She plucked the box from his hands and turned to Lassiter.

"Carlton. If you would be so kind as to pull over at the next wooded area. I have something I need to check."

. . .

Once in the seventh grade Shawn had accidentally blown up his paper-mâché pyramid, so Gus had to stand in front of the class and improvise his project on ancient Egypt. He had made up a story about King Tut's "questionable relationship with jackals". It had been the longest three minutes of his life.

Until now.

Lassiter drummed his fingers feverishly against the the steering wheel as they sped down the empty road while Shawn chattered on and on about how much he had liked _Phineas and Ferb_ back when there was still TV. Both of them looked like they'd rather be anywhere but in that van.

And Juliet just stared at the test. She had come back from the woods, and flipped it over in her lap so she couldn't see the display. Loose strands from her ponytail hung by her eyes, obscuring her expression. Gus hugged his knees and wondered how he could be so stupid. 

Because Burton Guster was not a stupid person. Burton Guster was the one who had a 401K at twenty-two. Burton Guster had never made a mistake in his life.

Shawn was the one who screwed up. Shawn was the one who didn't think things through and leapt without looking and if anyone should be accidentally getting people pregnant it should be Shawn. 

Shawn should be the one who, after an eternal three minutes, had to flip over the stick.

It should've been Shawn that made Juliet silently grab the wheel and force Lassiter to pull over by an abandoned water tower. 

Shawn should've been the reason she threw the stick down on the seat and walked back out into the woods, leaving the damning little plus sign behind.

But it was Gus who was the reason. 

And so it was Gus who was going to follow her into the woods and figure out how to fix them.

Twigs cracked under the feet of the man who had learned how to slip up at the worst possible moment.


	8. Falling Slowly, Landing Hard

"I owe him an enormous amount of money." Shawn said, in a voice that was slightly awed, slightly terrified. "Seriously, the amount of times I bet it would be me accidentally knocking someone up...good God."

"It's not 'someone', it's O'Hara. You ought to treat her with a little more respect."

The two were leaning on the hood of the van, waiting for Juliet and Gus to emerge from the woods. It had been almost half an hour, but Carlton knew she had her gun, so he wasn't too worried.

There was an awkwardness in the air between them. It was the first time they'd been alone together since Grace died. Shawn was slightly embarrassed about his breakdown that night. He fiddled with the buttons on his coat, trying to push away any discomfort.

Of course, Shawn's method of doing so usually involved acting like an ass.

"You ought to calm down." He shot back under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

Shawn shifted under Lassiter's ice sharp glare, and gave his best sneer. "Why can't you just take a deep breath? Why do you have to have such a stick up your ass all the time?"

Lassiter clenched his fists. He had had it up to here with Shawn Spencer.

"Why can't you act like a goddamn adult?"

Shawn took a step forward, tilting his head back so he could glare up at Lassiter.

"Why-" He clapped a hand over the back of Lassiter's neck. "-Would a smart guy like you insist on wearing something as hazardous as a stupid necklace?"

Shawn made to jerk the chain out from underneath Lassiter's shirt. He ducked, but Shawn was too quick. 

He fished the chain out until he got ahold of whatever heavy thing was at the bottom. He froze.

It was a square leather pad, with a shiny gold badge set in it; _Santa Barbara Police Department-_ The neat little letters etched in the bottom read. _Head Detective._

Lassiter snatched it back and stuffed it down his shirt, his ears turning pink. 

Shawn sighed, running a hand through his hair. He felt the beginnings of guilt well in his stomach.

"Why do you still wear that thing?" He asked softly. The tension was back, but it wasn't as sharp. More heavy, aching.

"Not that it's any of your business..." Lassiter crossed his arms. "I've wanted to be a cop since I was seven years old. I-" He sighed through his nose. "I can't _stop_ being one. This nightmare was chewed up my life in ways you can't even imagine. This-" He gestured to the badge. "This bad boy is all I have left. Without it...I don't know who I am."

"...I do." 

Shawn sat back down on the hood of the car, his feet on the bumper.

"You're Carlton Lassiter. You have saved us so many times. You got us halfway across the country. I mean, I certainly did the lion's share, but..." Shawn shrugged, staring down at his filthy sneakers. "You're a good guy."

Carlton blinked, slightly put off.

"Thank you." He muttered. Shawn kicked the dirt. 

"You're welcome."

They both looked to the trees. Still no Gus and Juliet.

"I'm sorry for losing it, back with Grace." Shawn blurted out. Lassiter shook his head.

"Forget about it, Spencer."

"No, that wasn't cool, man. You're right, I'm not the only on whose lost someone."

"No, you're not."

"Yeah, Jules told me...I'm sorry about...?"

"Marlowe." It was the first time he had said her name out loud since it happened. It filled him with renewed anger so great he wanted to shoot something in the face.

He stepped away from the van, thinking vaguely of heading to the woods to find O'Hara, anything to distract from the pain.

Shawn caught his arm and twisted him back around. His anger dissipated somewhat. The way he was looking up at him...

"I'm sorry." He couldn't seem to stop saying it, now. He took Carlton's other hand and gently pulled him forward, so his legs bumped Shawn's knees. "I'm so sorry for what's happened to you, Lassie."

Carlton's hands crept up Shawn's arms almost unconsciously. His hands were curled around his biceps about the time he felt their lips crash together. 

It had been awhile since Lassiter had been kissed. It had been even longer seen he had been kissed like _that_ , with hunger and passion and the feeling of fireworks popping from his chest to his hips. 

"Lassie, I never knew you swung this way." Shawn laughed softly into Carlton's mouth. "I hop-I mean, my looks have been known to turn-"

Lassiter smacked the side of his ass.

"Shut up."

He leaned forward, sandwiching Shawn between his chest and the car. One of Spencer's legs fell flat against the hood while the other remained pressed up to his chest. Carlton eased him onto his back, giving him tiny kisses as he went.

"Oh baby..." murmured Shawn in between kisses.

_"Oh baby..." Marlowe whispered, as he left her cell in near tears._

_"Oh baby..." She moaned as they had sex on the beach, the stars glittering just for them._

_"Oh baby..." She said tearfully as they held Lily for the first time._

Carlton froze.

He stared down at Shawn, his jaw slack, his eyes wide as saucers. 

Shawn noticed the kissing had stopped.

"Lassie? What's wrong?"

"I am so sorry." He said, shaking his head as a horrified look filled his face.

He wasn't looking at Shawn when he spoke.

Shawn propped himself up on his elbows, looking confused.

"Hey, just tell me what's the matter, I can-"

"You can what? Make some stupid joke? Act like this is nothing? It's not nothing!" Lassiter scrambled off him and back away like he was diseased.

Shawn made to reach for his face.

"Of course it's not nothing. Baby, please just tell me-"

"Don't call me that! Never, ever call me that!"

Shawn fell back against the van, his eyes narrowing.

"What _am_ I allowed to say around you, Lassiter? Because it feels like every word that comes out of my mouth offends you."

"Get away from me, Spencer."

"I'm not spending the rest of my life walking on eggshells!"

Carlton swung at him. Shawn ducked and caught his arm.

The world stopped moving as Shawn crouched against the front bumper, looking up at him, shocked.

"...What-"

Carlton clenched and unclenched his fists, unable to look at him.

"I need some air." He jerked his arm away and walked down the street, leaving Shawn standing in front of the van.

He veered right and stormed into the trees, walking until he hit the base of the water tower.

Perfect. Wasn't the whole reason they brought fucking Spencer along because he had water? 

Lassiter's hands hit the rungs so hard the ladder vibrated and shook as he climbed to the top.

 _We'll have all the water we need now, O'Hara. We can leave these two degenerates on the side of the road, and we can name your baby Christopher after the man who moved to Alaska just to be alone. We'll go to Alaska! And find a new Sanctuary that isn't in a state full of marijuana loving Democrats-_

He reached the top and bumped into something. 

He yanked out his gun before realizing it was only O'Hara. She had been walking on the ledge surrounding the water tank from the opposite direction. He glanced and saw she had been going for her pistol too.

He dropped Brenda. She chuckled ruefully.

"Hey."

"Hi Carlton." Juliet sounded very tired. They both sat down, legs swinging over the edge, feet dangling above the treetops. Faded graffiti declaring Sarah was a fake bitch and Manny was a slut snaked it's way up the tripod support beams.

"So you're pregnant." He said after a pause. Loudly and awkwardly.

Juliet pressed her lips together to keep from smirking.

"It looks that way." She managed.

"Biracial children are very beautiful, usually."

"Carlton!"

"What? It was a compliment!"

Juliet did laugh at that, softly, looking down at her lap.

"We had a talk. I'm going to keep it. For now. It seems safer than trying to get rid of..."

"Jesus."

"When we get to Sanctuary, we'll discuss again."

"Logical and efficient."

"I learned from the best."

Carlton took a sharp breath, then sighed.

"Spencer and I...made out."

Juliet's head swiveled so fast he was surprised it didn't fall off her shoulders.

"You _what_?"

Lassiter crossed his arms and shrugged away.

"We just got caught up in the moment. It doesn't matter anyway, I told him nothing was going to happen."

"Why?"

Lassiter rolled his eyes. After all this time, O'Hara could still be such a rookie.

"Because we have more important things to do and I'm married and..." He faded off, twisting the ring on his finger. He didn't like the look O'Hara was giving him. There was a little too much condescension in her smile.

"Carlton." She said softly. He took a breath and looked out across the tree tops.

"Don't."

"Marlowe's gone."

"Don't."

"Not saying it isn't going to make it not true!"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because she's not here and he is! Shawn's here and he likes you and you can't keep pushing him away!" Juliet's voice rose. "You can't keep pushing all of us away!"

"WHERE DO YOU GET OFF TELLING ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE?" He exploded. He jumped to his feet so he towered over her, screaming down into her face.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARTNER!" She shouted, jumping up on the ledge too.

He took a step back, startled. Juliet looked at her boots, collecting herself. Just as quickly, her head whipped up, her eyes stony and firm.

"You are my partner. I thought it was clear, after all we've been through, you will never _stop being my partner_." Her voice was deadly quiet now. "And I know my partner. And I knew his wife. And Marlowe wouldn't have wanted you to punish yourself forever. She would've wanted you to be happy."

Almost unconsciously, she wrapped her arms around her stomach. "And we could use a little more happiness in this world."

Carlton swallowed, clamping his whole right hand over his ring finger. "I told her I'd be there for all eternity." 

"And you were. For all of _her_ eternity." Juliet smiled sadly and held his face in her hand.  
"Maybe it's time to think about the rest of yours."

Footsteps and panting filled the quiet air before he could respond.

Carlton picked up Brenda and Mindy at the same minute Juliet cocked her pistol, pointing down through the treetops.

"Guys? Lassiter? Juliet? Oh thank God." Gus reached the base of the water tower and doubled over, out of breath.

"Gus? What's wrong?" Juliet asked, swinging down onto the ladder.

Gus shook his head, gasping for air.

"Shawn's gone."


	9. Fallout

"Shawn!" 

Juliet's calls echoed through the forest, the van inching down the road as they entered the second fruitless hour searching for their missing friend.

"This is all your fault." Gus muttered.

Guster had been making snide comments since he discovered Shawn had disappeared, like Carlton wasn't already feeling awful.

"Gee, I'm sorry Guster. I'm so sorry my post-traumatic stress left me unable to make out with your brother!" He snapped, his voice rising.

"He's not my-Have you been thinking we're brothers this whole time?"

"Shawn! SHAWN!" 

"We're not even the same race!"

"SHAWN!"

"Wait-Hold up." 

Gus pointed at a dirt road that was almost completely covered by the trees.

"Down that way."

"Why would he have run down there?" Juliet sighed. 

"When we were kids Shawn's parents got divorced. He hid in the woods twice a week for a year."

Juliet turned the van, edging down the tiny, obscured road slowly. The trees were thick around them, nothing but soft green and rough bark as far as the eye could see. 

And a glint of silver.

"O'Hara." Carlton pointed at it, through the trees. Juliet killed the engine and the three climbed out into the forest. 

"Over here." Gus said. A pile of leaves and branches lay in a heap over the glint. He tore through them. 

"Oh my God."

Two rusty motorcycles lay on their sides. One was missing a wheel. The other had it's fuel tank smashed open, old gasoline leaking out.

Carlton crouched down and saw a jagged tire mark pulling away from the other two.

"Someone took a third hog away from here."

He drew a line with his finger from the tracks out to the road. He could see faint skid marks there.

"It was him." He said quietly. 

"You're saying Shawn hot-wired a ten-year-old motorcycle and left?" Juliet asked, following his path with her eyes.

"Totally. He built a Softail in his garage when we were seventeen." Gus said. His eyebrows knit together. "He could be halfway to Sanctuary by now."

"Then how are we supposed to find him?"

The silence became heavier and sicker as the horrible truth dawned on all three of them.

"We can't." Juliet said softly. "We have to keep going."

. . .

The days passed in black and white. 

There was little talk in the car as they wound through Pennsylvania and upstate New York. Juliet and Carlton gunned down six walkers who surrounded the van outside Lafayette. They avoided the big cities, full of walkers and human survivors who would try to break into the van. 

Mostly they just drove, Carlton staying at the wheel for hours while O'Hara slept and Guster fretted over her. He gave her every vitamin in his pill bag, insisting it was the best he could do for her and the baby.

And when Gus fell asleep against the back of her seat, a hand reaching up to lay on her shoulder, Carlton thought about Shawn.

He hadn't realized how huge his presence was until he was gone. It was like someone had sucked all the laughter and sunlight out of his life. The silence as he drove was eerie. He kept expecting Shawn to jump out of the bushes and make a Billy Zane reference. 

But he didn't. And Carlton was left with the ghost of his hands running down his back.

. . .

Route 88 was full of abandoned cars, some still in the middle of the road with their doors open. People who had panicked when the turning started and fled.

_Morons._

Carlton woke Guster and the two set to work siphoning gas out of the cars for the van, silent in the dark but for gas flaps opening and closing. 

Carlton's eyes were burning as he walked back to the van. He slammed into something hard.

"Son of a bitch!" He clutched his face. Gus ran over.

"You're bleeding."

"What the hell happened?"

"You just walked into a closed door. Because you're exhausted." He felt Gus's hands gently steering him into the backseat.

"Get some gauze from my bag, it's in Juliet's lap." Gus slipped into the driver's seat, carrying the cartons of gas with him. "And rest."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Carlton mumbled as he dabbed his bloody nose. "Sh...he ran off because of me."

Gus sighed and shook his head. 

"Man, this is Shawn Spencer. Raised by cops, lived under bridges and behind motels for years. Toughest guy I know."

He turned the key and slowly started weaving through the eternal traffic.

"I'll bet he beats us to Sanctuary."

His tone sounded like he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince. Carlton pinched his nose and watched the gray horizon, saying nothing. 

An hour later they passed the _**Massachusetts Welcomes You!**_ sign, which had fallen off it's hinges. They should've been elated. Juliet was unconscious. Gus was anxious. Carlton was sick.

His stomach felt hollow and cold as the blood dried on his face.

. . .

_He was standing on the sidewalk, outside the Santa Barbara Police Department. The sun was shining._

_Marlowe walked down the street towards him, wearing the short red dress she had met him in. Lily was in her arms._

_"Hey baby." She said, smiling._

_Carlton tried to take her hand, but he didn't seem quite able to reach._

_"Honeybunch, I am so sorry." He didn't realize he was crying until he spoke, his voice thick and clogged._

_Marlowe nodded. "I know you are." She smiled sadly. "Baby, you did what you had to do."_

_"I killed you!" The words were ugly and loud, ringing across the street. "I took my gun and I shot you and our daughter until you were dead!"_

_"You saved us!" Marlowe held Lily closer to her chest. "We never got a chance to be walkers. You let us go with dignity."_

_"No such thing." He spat._

_"There was for me. Thanks to you." She shifted Lily onto her hip; She gurgled and batted at the sky. "And it's OK, you know, to feel what you're feeling towards Shawn."_

_"...What?"_

_"I don't want you spending the rest of your life chasing ghosts." She cocked her head. "He seems really sweet, babe. And tough. Like you."_

_"I think I might've have really screwed it up, Bunnykins."_

_"You just have to find him, Carlton. Find him, and there's always hope."_

_The sound of distant shouting broke out. Carlton looked around for the noise._

_"It's time for you to go now, baby." Marlowe put her hand on his face, the way she used to. "And it's OK to go to new things."_

_"Marlowe, I-"_

_"Shhh." The shouting was getting louder. Marlowe clutched his face more tightly. "I am so proud of you baby. And so is Lily." She held up the bundle. "Now let us go. Let us GO. LET US-_

"CARLTON LET'S GO, NOW!"

He woke with a start to Juliet slapping his face with increasing force. Her ponytail had come loose and hair was falling in every direction, a wild look that wasn't helped by the mania in her eyes.

"What...what's wrong?"

Juliet cast a fearful look to the side of the van, where Gus was straining to keep the door shut.

"It's the biggest walker infestation I've ever seen."

. . .

According to Gus' calculations, it should've taken them two and a half hours to drive across the state to Rockport.

It took them seven.

Juliet and Carlton hung out the windows, emptying dozens of magazines trying to clear a path through the swarms of zombies. Gus drove through the carnage while staring at his lap, fervently praying to no one in particular. 

The world was nothing but the sounds of walkers moaning and bullet ringing. Eventually they stopped being able to hear at all, the gunshots numbing their ears to any sound.

They finally made it to a clear stretch of highway at ten. Juliet collapsed back into the van, wheezing. Gus rubbed her shoulders as Lassiter shoved him out of the driver's seat.

"What the hell was that? I thought this place was supposed to be safe!"

"I've been thinking about that."Gus grunted as he climbed into the backseat and Lassiter gunned it. "The virus that infected the first walkers? It has to have an origin."

"You think it started here? We've been running _towards_ the most dangerous place in the country?" Juliet said, horrified. 

"I knew we should've gone to Alaska!" Carlton slammed the wheel.

"Wait, what?"

"Dammit Guster, what if we get to Rockport and there's nothing there?"

_What if Shawn's not there?_

"Then I'm throwing myself in the ocean." Juliet said wearily. She draped her arm over her eyes as she leaned back, ignoring the horrified stares of her friends.

The day wound on. Where there weren't walkers, the roads were obscured by fallen trees and loose power lines, some of them live.

Eventually an enormous oak that had crashed over the entire street forced them to abandon the van, loading as many bags as they could carry onto their backs. 

Gus dragged the cartons of water he had brought with him. They were almost empty now. Carlton threw the van keys in his pocket, hoping he would never have to use them again.

"Look." Juliet gasped. A few streets ahead there was a mess of fences and barricades rising up through the sparse trees. Beyond that was the tiniest hint of blue: The sea.

Rockport.

"Sanctuary." Carlton breathed.

"I don't believe it." Gus said.

The three of them started running, climbing over the tree and stumbling towards the ocean, guns hanging loose by their legs.

_**Bang Bang Bang** _

Juliet threw her arms out and caught Gus and Lassiter as they skidded to a stop at the end of the street.

Dozens of walkers were lumbering around in between the big fences and them. 

"Shit. O'Hara, get on the Beretta." Lassiter twirled Brenda and Mindy into position.

But Juliet was pointing, frozen.

_**Bang Bang Bang** _

More gunfire shot out from within the walkers. One of the zombies crumbled to reveal-

Shawn. A machine gun in each hand, covered in grease and blood, taking down everything around him.

"Shawn!"

"Gus! Took you long enough!" Shawn grinned. "Come on Jules! Pregnant women can still have fun!"

"You must be outta your damn mind." Gus yelled back, but Juliet was already walking calmly towards the carnage, the Beretta locked and loaded.

Carlton and Gus exchanged the briefest, most irritated, why-have-I-lain-my-affections-with-this-crazy-person look, and then dutifully followed.

"How long have you been here?" Gus yelled as he clumsily aimed Juliet's pistol.

"A day, give or take." Shawn replied. "The lookout inside saw the walkers coming so I thought I'd take them out."

"You've been inside Sanctuary?" Juliet said as she hit two walkers in the chests. "It's real?" 

Shawn grinned.

"Jules, to quote the late, great Circuit City, it's just what I needed."

"That's from a Cars song, Shawn." Gus replied. "I know you know that."

"I've heard it both-" Shawn turned to shoot another walker and suddenly found himself nose-to-nose with Lassiter.

He immediately looked down at his shoes. Carlton tried to say something, but he tongue seemed paralyzed.

"Need some help, ya moron?"

Shawn's head turned around, relieved, at the sound. Climbing over the fence and running to the street was a middle-aged couple in army fatigues. 

"Lori! Leon! Just in time, as always. This is my BFFFL Gus and his pregnant girlfriend Julietandthat'sLassiter." He finished quickly.

"Hey." Lori nodded. She had _semper fi_ stitched on her jacket. "We'll have a chat after we waste these ones, huh?"

"Couldn't agree more." He muttered.

Lori and Leon were fantastic marksmen, almost better than Carlton. In a minute, the three of them plus Shawn managed to knock down all the walkers. 

"Good work dear." Leon said as he clicked his safety on. Lori punched him gently in the jaw. 

"Back atcha, big guy." She turned to the group. "Welcome."

"This is really Sanctuary?" Gus asked.

"Is that what they're calling it now?" Leon laughed. "It's a fortified compound on the beach. Walkers don't much like the water. Thought we'd take advantage of that."

"And no funny business? You're not going to try to-"

"Eat you?" Lori raised her eyebrows. "Shawn told us what happened in Kansas."

"Never did like Midwesterners." Leon muttered.

"Lori and Leon are _awesome_." Shawn said, catching his breath. "She's ex-Marines, he was a cop for thirty years."

"Am a cop." Said Leon. He shrugged. "It's hard to ever really stop." 

Carlton didn't think he imagined the meaningful look Leon and Shawn shared, with himself caught in the middle.

"Enough, I wanna see those hands and tongues, they better be clean." Lori picked up her shotgun again as she and Leon turned to examine Juliet, Gus and-

"Shawn, look out!"

A walker they all presumed dead pulled himself off the ground and clawed at Shawn, knocking him over.

"NO!"

Shawn flailed for a second before Lori shot the walker in the back of the neck, watching it slide to the ground.

Gus pushed past Leon and ran to help Shawn, but Lori caught his arm.

"Don't touch him."

There was blood oozing on his face, neck, and arms. Carlton's heart stopped.

"Are those scratches...or bites?" Gus asked, terrified.

"I can't tell." Leon said grimly.

"Oh my God. Oh my God." Juliet covered her mouth in horror. 

"Give him the cage?" Lori asked her husband. 

"What cage?" Shawn asked weakly. "Please tell me you're not reconsidering this eating-us thing." 

Leon pointed to the gates and for the first time Carlton realized there were two sets, with about ten square feet between the first circle of fence and the second.

"It takes twelve hours for symptoms to start." Lori said. "Another twenty four to completely turn. We're gonna keep Shawn between the gates until we can tell if he's been bitten or not."

She said it so calm and matter-of factly, as though this was some ordinary person and not Shawn Spencer whose life was suddenly hanging by a delicate thread.

Leon gently took his arm. Lori led Carlton, Juliet and Gus, the latter of whom was in tears, into the compound. Leon let go of Shawn in between the fences and joined the others, locking the gate behind him.

Shawn got to his feet and pressed his hands against the fence. His eyes were terrified. 

Gus lost it then, crying so hard Juliet had to hold him up and lead him a little ways away.

Carlton stayed rooted just inside the gates, staring through the thinly woven chain of metal separating them. 

Shawn fear turned to anger and he turned away, pressing his back against the fence.

Carlton didn't move.

Eleven hours, fifty-eight minutes, twenty-two seconds to go.


	10. Purgatory

** Eleven Hours **

The compound really was right on the ocean, with fences extending from the street, around the houses and through the back yards, to ten feet out to sea. There were four houses within the safe zone, with dozens of tents set up in the sand and the yards. Little gardens were growing here and there, fruit and vegetables, with a few strangers tending to them. 

Lassiter couldn't care less.

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?" He asked Shawn, still standing on the other side of the gate, watching him.

Shawn didn't turn around. 

"You should've stayed with us. If you had you wouldn't have been standing there when-"

"Look, I'm as in the mood for a lecture as I am for watching _Spider Man 3_." Shawn mumbled.

He slid down, sitting with his back against the fence and his knees to his chest. 

Carlton didn't know what to say.

So he sat down too, mirroring Shawn on the mother side of the fence.

** Ten Hours **

Juliet and Gus came back over. They both looked as though they had had a shower and a hot meal. Gus carried a basket full of fruit. His eyes were rimmed red.

"I have apples." Juliet tossed one to Carlton. Gus squeezed one through the fence to Shawn. They both hit the ground with dull thunks. Shawn jerked away.

Gus' face started screwing up in anguish again. Juliet sighed and took his arm, guiding him away.

She saw Shawn sneak a peek, and then bury his head in his knees.

** Nine Hours **

"How did you get here so fast?" Carlton asked, after nearly two hours of silence.

There was a long whooshing noise as Shawn blew a sigh out through his nose.

"It's amazing how much ground you can cover when you don't have to stop every time a pregnant woman has to pee." He said finally. 

Carlton smirked, though he knew Shawn couldn't see him.

** Eight Hours **

"Why did you leave?"

He couldn't take it anymore, the useless small talk while something fatal could be eating away at Shawn's veins. _Just spit it out, Carlton, Jesus_ , his mother used to tell him.

Shawn slowly turned around on his knees, gripping the chain links to stay upright. He looked Carlton dead in the eye.

"Why didn't you ask me to stay?"

Guilt surged through Carlton's stomach like lightning bolts, but just as instantly boiled into anger.

"C'mon Spencer, don't start acting like a teenager."

"I never stopped."

"Yeah." Carlton looked back up. "That's the problem."

Shawn shook his head, his fingers tightening around the fence.

"You're the one who stopped kissing me. You freaked out and screamed and left. What did you expect me to do?"

"I don't know, wait? Follow me? Anything else?"

"I liked you, Lassie. And you didn't want me."

"So you just vanish, with no regard to how it effects anyone else?" His voice spiked. People were turning now.

"WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?" Shawn jumped up. "NO ONE EVER WANTS ME. ALL I DO IS HURT PEOPLE. SO I LEAVE BEFORE I CAN RUIN ANYTHING ELSE."

He looked down at Carlton for a spilt second, eyes wide and uncomfortable that he had let something slip out. He ran to the other side of the cage, staring determinedly out into the ruined streets of Rockport.

"How could you think that?"

Shawn didn't answer. Carlton cursed his Irish-Catholic repression that pushed no further.

** Seven Hours **

The sun was dipping when Shawn decided to grace the world once more with his voice.

"You were there, weren't you? When Marlowe and Lily died."

A week before Lassiter would have tried to strangle someone who asked a question like that. Now he just rubbed his eyes. Everything in his world was confused. Black was white, up was down, Marlowe could be talked about like she was just any old person.

"I'm the one who pulled the trigger."

"Jesus."

Carlton crossed his arms tightly against his chest.

"I...I miss them. Every damn day."

"Yeah, I know that song, sister." Shawn turned and leaned against the fence. His shoulder warm against Carlton's back. "We go on, though. We live. And we remember."

A crease appeared in Carlton's forehead. 

"That's from _The Doctor's Daughter_."

"What can I say? I love British television."

They shared a chuckle that felt like music.

** Six Hours **

Juliet came back and sat down next to Carlton, bringing water and more apples. He was ravenous now, and ate three down to the core. 

Shawn was pacing back and forth in the cage. He had walked the perimeter in between the fences twice in the past hour.

"You know what else I love? The platypus. They look like nature just threw together all it's spare parts and said 'what the hell!' What's the plural of platypus, Lassie? Platypuses? Platypi?"

Carlton lifted his arm above his head and made a rude gesture.

"C'mon, why you got to hurt me like that, sweetheart?" His eyes lit up and went off on a rant about SweetTarts.

"He is being insufferable." Carlton muttered to Juliet. She shook her head.

"He's terrified." 

"C'mon O'Hara."

"Carlton, we've seen this with dozens of murder suspects. They joke and jabber to cover up-"

"-how screwed they know they are."  
Carlton swallowed hard and Juliet bit her lip.

Shawn's face appeared in between their own, making them jump.

"Hey Lassie, Jules. God, you're both so beautiful."

He pulled their hair through the links and kissed the back of their heads. 

"Whoo! I'm the king of Siam!" 

He darted off. 

"You should talk to him. Tell him you're here for him."

"I'd rather learn to crochet."

"Carlton."

"Fine."

** Five Hours **

The stars were out now. Being so close to the sea made them more vivid and bright than any of the group had seen living in California. 

Carlton's eyes fixed on Sirius, the Dog Star. His muscles clenched as he forced air in and out of his locked body.

"Spe-Shawn?"

"Yessir." Shawn called. He was lying flat on his back by the other fence.

"If..." He closed his eyes. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. "If you want to talk about what's happening, we can ...talk about it."

"Jules wants you to get me to cry about my feelings."

"How did you-"

"I'm psychic." He said flatly, rolling his eyes. "C'mon, it's not interrogation glass, detective. I could hear you talking over there."

"Well...do you..."

"Lassie, I am okay, because I'm always okay." He turned his head and grinned at Carlton. "I will always be okay."

** Four Hours **

Gus came over and talked through the fence to Shawn.

"Do you remember when we broke into Max Nicefield's house in sixth grade?" He spoke quickly and deliberately, his face arranged in an expression Carlton could only describe as a forced calm.

"Of course I do."

"He stole my book about Rosalind Franklin."

"You don't take another man's book about the scientist who invented Heelies."

"She discovered the double helix, Shawn."

"I've heard it both..." Shawn shook his head. "Gus, why are we talking about this?"

Gus just shook his head, screwing his face up. Carlton swore, if he started crying again he was getting tased.

But Gus collected himself and looked at Shawn.

"Because I want more stories, Shawn. I want days and weeks and months and years of breaking into houses and cars and doing stupid things with you. But if I can't have that..." He squared his shoulders. "I'm want to remember all the stories I've already got."

Carlton wasn't crying.

He had just got a lash stuck in his eye.

"What was that shirt you were always wearing in high school?" Gus asked, sitting down facing the fence. "It had that stupid slogan."

"'I Found The Beef.'" Shawn said softly, as he sat down opposite Gus.

They talked for a long time. It became clear this was a deathbed visit. The others in the compound-Carlton hadn't bothered to even learn their faces, let alone their names-headed into the houses and tents to sleep. 

Juliet eventually came for Gus. She knew she wouldn't be able to convince her partner to leave his post.

As Gus stood to leave he held a fist up to the fence, and Shawn bumped it from the other side.

He turned and headed towards one of the houses as Juliet squeezed Carlton's shoulder.  
Only the cold moon bore witness as Shawn's face crumbled.

** Two Hours **

"Lassie?"

Carlton was jerked from his hazy exhaustion by a hand poking his back. He blinked hard, trying to pull himself together.

"...Yup?" He mumbled groggily.

"I am so scared."

Carlton was over six feet tall. But at that moment, he felt like the smallest person on earth. 

His heart was like ice. He wanted to reach Shawn, hold him, keep him safe from this disease he couldn't shoot or outsmart.

But he couldn't.

He pressed his hand up against the barbed fence, having a flashback of doing the same thing on Marlowe's cell door.

_Stop it. This isn't about her, this is about him._

"I will be here." He said, his voice low. "All night, until they clear you or..." He swallowed, unable to finish the thought.

He felt something clammy press up against his hand, through the fence. 

"All night." Murmured Shawn. His voice was shaking with tears, despite his best efforts to hide it.

He interlocked their fingers as best he could. 

"Shawn, it's not that I didn't want to, I just-"

"Shhhhh."

For once Shawn didn't feel like talking.

** One Hour **

"Hey Lassie?"

"...Yeah Shawn?" He managed with some difficulty.

"Tell me about one of your cases."

"...What?"

"Oh come on, tough detective like you must have had a few." He smiled weakly. "Entertain me."

"I'm not really a detective, anym-"

"Balderdash! Did you ever slap a hooker?"

"What? No!"

"Shoot a drug pin in the head?"

Carlton's face felt tight again. He was fighting the urge to laugh.

"Shut it down, Spencer." He hesitated. "Once summer O'Hara and I had been tracking these diamond smugglers for over a month..."

Shawn held onto his hand tighter. Lassiter talked until his voice gave out, until his world was nothing but scratchy anecdotes and stars and a hand gripping his own.

His sight grew dim.

_Please God. One miracle. You own me, you bastard. Please._

** \- Eight Hours **

His face scraped up against the fence the next morning, every muscle in his body sore. The metal, baked hot in the sun of the day, jolted him awake as everything from the previous day came rushing back. He clawed at the fence, but no flesh met his own.

"Shawn!" He sat up. He reached for his gun, though he wasn't entirely sure why. "Shawn!"

He turned and his heart stopped.

Shawn was standing at the other end of his cage, his back to the compound. He was staring down at his arms.

"Shawn?" Carlton was too worried to even be mortified at the tears rife in his voice. "Shawn, look at me."

Slowly, too, too, slowly, Shawn swiveled on the spot.

His arms and hands were clear.

Carlton fell to his knees in relief as Shawn raced across the little box in two steps and crouched down, holding his head in his hands as best he could, kissing him through the fence.

"Oh my God." He whispered. "Oh my God."

"It's OK." Carlton's heart started beating again. "It's OK, I'm here. I've got you."

Shawn stopped kissing him for a moment, still gripping his face.

"Bab-Sweetheart, I'm so sorry for running off! I just thought-"

"No, no, just shut up. Shut up." Carlton kissed him again, but a soft cough made them both jump and break apart.

Leon was standing, smiling, with a key in his fist. Juliet and Gus stood behind him, arms around each other. Gus had tears streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks. Juliet looked as though the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders.

Leon finally, mercifully, let Shawn through the second door and into the compound.

He flew at Gus and hugged him so tightly he lifted him off the ground. He kissed Juliet on both cheeks and her stomach, and then turned back to Lassiter as Leon closed the gates again.

Carlton was almost knocked over by the force of Shawn running to him. He threw himself into his arms and kissed him so hard his lips went numb. He barely adjusted himself in time, gripping his hips as he wrapped his legs around his waist. 

"...Morning, sweetheart." He said finally. Carlton smiled, leaning his forehead in to touch Shawn's.

"Good morning."

"Guess what, Lassie?" Shawn jerked his head back in the direction of the compound, of their friends, of the ocean. "We made it."

Carlton's eyes quickly swept over their new world, but all he could see was the man in front of him. He titled his torso back, dipping him.

"Damn right we did." 

He pressed their lips together once more.


	11. Keep Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, let's bring this baby home.

**Eleven Months Later**  
  
The air was hot and sticky.  
  
Summer in Massachusetts wasn't so bad. It reminded Shawn of springtime evenings in Santa Barbara, a million years ago.  
  
He woke up before the sun, slightly sweaty, staring at the dark wooden beams that held up his low ceiling.  
  
He had scored one of the bedrooms inside the Medical House on the compound (Leon still felt bad about locking him in the cage for twelve hours).The attic room was tiny, with only enough room for a cot and a dresser, but he didn't mind.  
  
It had a hell of a view.  
  
He watched Lassie sleep for a few minutes, his chest going up and down with his shallow breaths. God, he was so beautiful like this, in a thin tee-shirt and boxers, his eyelids smooth and relaxed. It was amazing how much anger and angst disappeared from someone's face when they were unconscious.  
  
"Hey." He finally nudged his shoulder. "Sweetheart, get up."  
  
Lassie's eyes snapped open and his hand went under his pillow for his gun, but he relaxed when he saw no danger.  
  
"Why?" He yawned, turning onto his side as the rickety cot creaked beneath them. Shawn leaned in close to his face and grinned.  
  
"Because it's today."  
  
. . .  
  
In the early gray hour, the beach was deserted but for a few other survivors washing dishes in the sea by the other end of the compound.  
  
Shawn sat down on the wet rocks as the waves licked his feet. Lassie sat down behind him, his long legs wrapping around Shawn's own. He tucked his head under Carlton's chin.  
  
For a few minutes, neither of them said anything, just watched the waves crash against the jagged rocks that filled the shoreline instead of sand. Shawn laced his fingers through Carlton's.  
  
"Don't you look cozy."  
  
Juliet smiled as she drew up beside them. Gus was lagging a few feet behind, carefully stepping from rock to rock as he clutched the tiny bundle in his arms close to his chest.  
  
Shawn grinned and detached himself from Carlton, standing to meet Gus.  
  
"Hey." He cooed to the bundle as he hung onto Gus' shoulder for balance. "Hey, tiny baby girl. Hey, Hope."  
  
"Guys, come sit." Juliet called. She perched next to Carlton, gently bumping his shoulder.  
  
"Hey, partner." He said.  
  
"Hey, partner." She murmured. She reached over and squeezed his hand. For once, he didn't pull away.  
  
Gus sat down next to her, and she turned to fret over Hope with him, tapping her little feet with their fingers.  
  
The little family clicked too well for Carlton to even be jealous. He was distracted, anyway, as Shawn climbed back into his lap.  
  
"Jules and I are on guard duty in about an hour." He announced to no one in particular.  
  
"They say we've got to fortify the north fences after the last attack." Juliet added.  
  
"I told Ed not to underestimate the value of steel." Carlton started.  
  
 _"Guys."_ Gus said loudly. The other three looked at him. He held Hope to his chest with one arm and pointed with the other. "Shut your damn mouths and just look."  
  
The sun was breaking over the ocean. The brilliant yellow light spilled over the waves, beams lapping at their feet even as they were doused in water.  
  
"I can't believe it's been a year." Juliet breathed. Gus took her hand. Next to them, Carlton wrapped his arms around Shawn's waist. Shawn lifted his interlocked hands and kissed them.  
  
A whole year since they met in a broken down, broken into, van. Since the journey started, since they had 'found love in a hopeless place', as Shawn kept singing.  
  
The fight wasn't over. It wouldn't be for a long time, maybe even ever.  
  
But there was still time for moments like this. With a sunrise. And an hour of peace. And four friends, entangled in heartache and love.  
  
"I love you." Said one of them.  
  
"You too." Said the others.  
  
And sun rose and the day came.


End file.
